Finding inspiration--and holding on

Our budget went out the window last week. It's because I didn't plan--no menu, no blogging about it, no strict rules for myself.

And I discovered something funny. If I'm not accountable to anyone, it's easy to let the rules slip. It seems I'm accountable to you. Brian didn't care. He was all for going out to dinner and spending money all weekend. When we're both feeling weak, it's over. We enable each other.

That's OK. We're starting fresh this week. We'll see how it goes.

And next month we're starting the next phase: spending $2,000 per month on student loan debt. Wish us luck. It's hard when I consider the other things I'd like to do with that money, but when I imagine paying down our student loans until they're PAID OFF, I feel better.

Also, I've been feeling creatively rejuvenated. Brian and I seem to fill our spare time--especially our walks--with discussions about creativity and stories, and it makes me so happy and inspired. I was talking with Brian last week and determined that every spare minute I have should be spent writing my story. He encouraged me to stop writing here if I find it too distracting (which I sometimes do). I think maybe I just need to tone down my obsession with food and budgets and reach an easy pace with it all.

I feel the approaching day of our son's birth in June as an increasing thrill--and deadline.

I want to finish a draft before then. Can I do it? I don't know. I've set these goals for myself before and perhaps I am always too aggressive. It's taken me seven months to get to 140 pages, so can I reach the end by June? I'd like to think so but I don't want to set myself up for disappointment and feelings of failure.

So. 140 pages and climbing. Another writing session tomorrow morning, more nap time throughout the week, a chance to get closer to my goal.

Regardless of that, I'm taking a break and planning out this week's meals based on our Full Circle Farm produce delivery:

1 each Cauliflower
3 each Hass Avocados
1 bunch Green Kale
1 each Cucumbers
1 each Bunched Carrots
6 each Braeburn Apples *
1.5 pounds Baby Red Beets FCF
6 each Navel Oranges
1 each Green Leaf Lettuce
6 each D'anjou Pears *
0.66 pound Shiitake Mushrooms *
1 each Mangos
0.66 pound Baby Spinach
FCF = Grown at Full Circle Farm
* = Grown in the Pacific Northwest

Tuesday:
Lentil-rice pilaf and roasted vegetables. (I love roasted cauliflower.)

Wednesday:
Dinner with friends at their house.

Thursday:
Black bean chili and cornbread.

Friday:
Stir-fried shiitake mushrooms, chicken breast, and kale, with steamed rice.

Saturday:
Handmade rolled quesadillas with chicken, onions, cumin pintos, fresh tomatoes, baby spinach,and guacamole.

Sunday:
Roasted beet and baby spinach salad and salmon OR spinach potato gnocchi. (I'm excited to make the gnocchi--the recipe arrived in our CSA box and it sounds delicious.)

The life of a child

So, Cora has an ear infection. She's miserable and I feel horrible for her. We're going to wait 48 hrs to see if it clears on its own. Right now she's asleep with ear oil in her ears and a warm compress on her bad ear. I feel discouraged and anxious about the future, but I have decided that she will be one of the strongest, most resilient little people because of her IgA deficiency. She'll develop a strong immune system and a great sense of humor. And she'll weather everything, even this nasty little thing going around called a pandemic.

I was in the doctor's office and this quote, tucked in a corner on a handmade plaque, caught my eye. I guess I'm feeling a bit emotional because it brought a few tears to my eyes:

"A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child."

If I could tell you how much I think about Cora's life, I would. But I can't. Being her mom is the most humbling experience I've ever encountered.

Quote for the Day

One has to just be oneself. That's my basic message.

The moment you accept yourself as you are, all burdens, all mountainous burdens, simply disappear.

Then life is a sheer joy, a festival of lights.

--Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, The Sound of One Hand Clapping