Lethargy

I've been battling lethargy the past couple of days. Yesterday I felt like I was swimming through a cloud, and despite all attempts to do fun and interesting things with Cora, I felt inadequate. This morning was worse, and for such a bad reason. I succumbed to mediocrity, allowed myself to be lame. I could not find anything to wear. I need to clean out my dresser and get rid of all the stuff I don't wear anymore, donate it or something. I always feel so bad when Cora is running around with her brain brimming with possibility while I grumble and mumble my way through the morning, pawing through layers upon layers of ill-fitting or worn out clothes.

I ended up deciding to go shopping for a couple new items, convincing myself it wouldn't be so bad if I took her to a couple of places. I don't think I have ever even taken her to a mall. She was totally bored and frantically annoyed, screeching in the store and glaring up at me. I couldn't blame her in the slightest, considering how useless I had been all morning. And it was a beautiful day, so I felt doubly guilty.

You know what? When Cora is older, the last thing I want is for her to worry about what to wear in the morning. I want her to worry about what she's thinking, not what she's wearing.

If I show up at your party the next time you throw one and I'm dressed in a paper bag and mismatched socks, I expect you to applaud me, please.

We're going to the park when she wakes up, and she'll get to see another friend of hers. I hope we'll be able to turn the day around.

I really, really wish I could put her in the stroller and go running. I miss that feeling of strength and purity. At the same time, I remember being really in shape and having more of an obsession with my body. I like feeling so accepting of myself most of the time...it's when I feel this passively tired that I am frustrated by the lack of intense activity in my life these days, like I need a jump start.